Selfishness

selfishness

n : stinginess resulting from a concern for your own welfare and a disregard of others


I admittedly can be selfish at times. But sometimes i feel like because of what i've been through in life, i am allowed to be. It may not be true, but it helps me rationalize my actions i suppose. But most of the people my age don't know what it feels like to go through what i've been through. And i think no matter what people say that they understand, i honestly do not think they do. And there's nothing wrong with that. But i know that unless they too lost their parents at a very young age and had to fend for themselves, i don't think they ever will. Sometimes there are so many things that i wish i still had. But of course it is what it is.

Sometimes though i look around and see how people act. And i see how selfish others can be even when it comes to little things. And it's sad because these are the little things that shouldn't matter and these are even the little things that should make a person smile and realize how lucky they are. I hear people complain about the silliest things. Yet i do not think that they realize how selfish they sound. Sometimes their complaints are even about the most irrelevant things. And it is disappointing.

I had to grow up so much faster than i wanted to. Given that i had no choice, I didn't have the time to enjoy just being one of the kids and being able to enjoy all the things that a family can bring. And i hated it like anything. And i still hate it. But now i know that i am at an age that i should grow up and be happy that i am where i am. We aren't young anymore. And we all have to grow up at one point. No matter how much we deny it, no matter how we pinpoint how ridiculous that seems, it is here. It doesn't mean we shouldn't feel young at heart (because no doubt that'll make us feel and look young!), but it just means that we should stop being selfish and childish. Because in reality there are more important things to think about and complain about (if needed to) in life.


*today i am thankful for companionship and a chance to see how people really are.