Loss of life

I got home like past 12mn so i wasn't able to post anything here yesterday.

The other night i dreamt of my mom. I hardly ever dream of her so it was really nice. But just like my previous dreams of her, she hardly said a word to me even though we were together. It was really comforting though. In my dream she gave me back a ring that i supposedly lost and she i was also getting mad at her for something that she did wrong (or something to that extent). And i remember that in the dream she was alive because of some special magic thing because i remember telling her that if she could, i wanted to her to stay longer. I was glad that the dream wasn't so sad. But i still miss my mom :(

Anyway, yesterday we went to the wake of the grandmother of a friend. I find it really sad when someone i know and someone i'm close to loses someone they love. I know i can never say that i understand what another person goes through since no 2 situations are the same, but this is something that i know i can relate to very well. And it's so sad. When my friend told us about how his grandmother died i felt my heart throb. I actually wanted to cry (but of course i couldn't since it would look so weird since i didn't even know his grandmother). I don't know if it's the same feeling when a grandparent dies(since i never met my grandparents), but i've never forgotten (nor will i ever forget) the pain of losing my parents. My dad died years and years ago but i don't think i'll be able to just sit down and think about what happened without crying. I don't even think the pain would ever lessen. I remember lhb telling me before that the worse thing that could ever happen to a person is to lose all his money but i believe otherwise. I don't think there is anything worse that losing a parent (or losing a child i suppose). Especially since i am the youngest and the baby of my parents. It was actually very difficult for me to be able to say to myself not to cry anymore months after my mom died. And i still cry for them. But i am glad that now i am mentally and emotionally ok.

The other side of it all, i don't believe one should pity or try to be friends with someone just because he or she lost someone. I mean that would just be sooo fake (just as what i've written in my other post). Of course i am so with like praying for the soul of the departed but for the living that i don't like, i wouldn't even try and be like "oh i'm so sorry for your loss, are you ok and shit). I was faced with this situation at the wake as well. Unfortunately i saw my friends shit-faced-loser-fake-bitch cousin. If there was such a thing as a hate list, she would be like number 1 (or probably she would even occupy like numbers 1 to 1 million). hehe. I totally hate this girl. She's like a fucking thorn in my backside. And i can never do fake. So she was there last night giving us food and i didn't get any and she was like "you have to get something" and i just shrugged. I actually wanted to kick her. The inner child in me wanted to get out and play (fyi: i was never a good playmate to the people i didn't like when i was young). hehe :) I mean i would so not go like hi im sorry after 6 years of hating her. I would totally rather kill myself (but then again i wouldn't stoop that low, only SHE would do that ;)) I told lhb that did she actually think that i wouldn't act all bitchy towards her just because we were in that situation?! I really don't know how she and our friend could be related. I love my friend dearly and he's just the nicest and kindest person! While his cousin is..well..NOT. Ugh, i just hate her. And everytime i remember her i would remember her saying to another friend of mine (who didn't tell me this but who told my bf who told me :)) that she'll just stay away so there wouldn't be any problems. My message to her "darling, you aren't that important...i started hating you even before i got close to my boyfriend as a friend 6 years ago...my friends and i hated you because you were only nice to guys, and it showed...and when i hooked up with my boy, you wanted to be part of it all...trying to be my friend only when he was around...i know you said things like "did you fight about me?"...and i know you liked him...it's not my fault that no guy ever sticks with you...just shows how good i am in understanding a person's character...i used to play nice but be careful...you really wouldn't want me as your enemy... :) How wonderful it feels to let all these things out after seeing her. haha.


*yesterday i was thankful for life and real friends
*i am grateful that even though there is death, there are memories to live by :)